Having my apartment booked in Zagreb gave me the reality jolt I needed - this is happening! Yesterday, I made the decision to stop procrastinating and go sell my car. I found the title, washed the car, drove across town, and handed over the keys in exchange for a check. I went out the glass door window into direct sun and much welcomed heat. I sat on a bench and closed my eyes and lifted my face straight towards the heat source. I think only people who live in the dark and cold for eight months of the year can appreciate the intense heat and light that penetrates the skin and warms every part of your body. It felt so good, I felt no remorse as the attendant got in my car and drove it away. Instead, I felt empowered that I’m actually making this happen! I’m fucking doing this - moving from my home of twenty years to no home at all. Moving into complete uncertainty, without plans longer than two weeks. What will happen after fourteen days in a large eastern european city? I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. I need to prove to myself I’m not too old to start over. Start over. Start over. I wrote it three times to see if it scares me or induces regret. No it does not. It’s quite the opposite. I get to begin a fresh new adventure. How lucky am I?! I’m anxious about the unknown, but enthusiastic optimism fills up the majority of space inside my inner dialogue. I want to live a life of adventure, meet people, and hear their stories. And those stories will become part of my story. The beauty in that drives me forward. I realize many will label me foolish, but one of the gifts of aging is the overwhelming comfort of not giving a fuck what anyone thinks. These are my dreams to chase. These are my dreams to realize.
...a package arrived from Seattle. I unwrapped a small box inside. I had no idea it contained something so incredibly valuable. It was a message of encouragement and love from my best friend, tc. A keepsake…”You’re never too old to dream a new dream.”